Tuesday, August 16, 2011

God's Battle

The idea that cancer is a battle is a cliche I know, but cliches develop for a reason. I've never been at war, but I still feel like I can speak of fighting for your life.

It isn't just dealing with the pains of various shapes and sizes which I am sure that any soldier deals with. Cancer, like most enemies,  is sneaky. It catches you by surprise. I thought that I had defeated once and then it reared it's ugly head again. Then just when I had wrapped my head around having to take radical action of a double mastectomy to beat this for good, it caught me by surprise yet again. My surgeon calls me weird. I can't trust my body anymore. It makes it difficult to let my guard down. It is not just my body that gets tired anymore---my mind is weary, my soul needs rest.

And then there is all the emotional ups and downs. One minute I feel on top of the world, feeling like I am beating the hell out of this disease and the next I am a mess because I have to ask my husband to wash my hair. I want to stay strong for my family, but some days I just want to feel sorry for myself. The worst of it is that it makes me so self involved and somedays just saps the fun right out of me.

I just get tired of the battle some days. That's when I force myself to remember that I am not in this alone. I've got the big guns on my side! He is the one that arms me with strength.

Even more amazing is that he fights my battles when I can't.  I'm reminded of the battle of Jericho.
The Israelites just had to follow God's orders and march around the city and shout when the horn blew and the walls of one of the strongest fortified cities in all the world just fell. Not a sword was lifted, not an arrow left the quiver.

The walls didn't fall on that first day though. They spent six days prior circling the city once each day. On the day in question they had to circle the city seven times before the fateful horn blew. They must have been weary of walking. Maybe even a few had started doubting. They looked up at the seemingly impenetrable walls and just felt tired to the core. But they kept walking until the horn blew and they shouted and the walls fell. They didn't have to fight that day. They only had to walk and shout-- I like to think that more than a few of them had praises for their almighty  God on that day.

I'm glad I don't have to fight every day-- I don't have it in me. I just have  to follow my orders and keep on walking where God tells me. I will continue to shout His praises. Then I will just stand and watch as those walls come tumbling down.

2 Chronicles 20:15  "This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."