Are You Wrestling or Dancing?

Today was an awesome day!  Nothing could have ruined it because today, for the first Thursday for more than a year, I didn’t have chemotherapy.

Believe me that after the year I have had, I was tired.  Tired of feeling crappy and having to run to the bathroom.  Tired of not being able to take care of my family the way I think I should be able.  Tired of not sleeping at night because I felt so completely full of chemicals.  I felt bone tired, soul sucking, weary that no amount of sleep was ever going to make up for.

I appreciate the break from weekly chemo, but my war with cancer is far from over. Maybe you know how I feel because you too are experiencing a situation that you never wanted and you never imagined you’d ever be suffering.  Maybe it involves physical pain, but emotional pain can be just as, if not more, draining. And sometimes there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight.

There is that famous saying that there is “no rest for the weary.”  But I believe there is.  The Lord said that “his burden was light” (Matt. 11:30) and that “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  (Matt.  11:28)  Sometimes God alleviates the problem at the very moment we fall to our knees in prayer, but often times nothing about our circumstances change. So how do we find this rest?

The first step is the beginning of the Matthew 11:30 quote from above. Jesus says “my yoke is easy. . .” We must yoke ourselves with Jesus. We do this by taking our cares to Him in prayer, even if that is simply “Jesus, please help.”  We are then like two beasts of burden carrying our load together.  But it is even better, because Jesus is so much stronger than us.  He takes most of the load while the yoke allows us to share that strength and remain standing. Jesus will carry our burden so that we can find rest.

The second step is releasing the needless struggle against what is happening.  We can ask “Why me?”  all day long and I do think there is benefit in the asking (I’ll write about that at another time) but don’t expect any answer to be satisfying in the midst of the pain.  God is the author of the universe and so much higher than us, I don’t think the answer would even make sense.  Instead, focus on the blessings that you already have. The pain of our circumstances may be hiding these gifts--everlasting life and love, a hope and a future. There is refreshing and rest in the remembering of these gifts and having a heart of gratitude. We don’t need to struggle against God’s will for our lives because he knows what is best.  Our circumstances might get better or worse, but God never changes. We can't base our joy on the vagaries of life.  God is good, no matter what happens to us and looking at our lives through those God colored glasses will refresh our souls.

I am reminded of Jacob wrestling with God.  After wrestling all night long, Jacob said to God “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”  How silly a statement in the light of the fact that Jacob had already been blessed by God more than twenty years before.  But maybe he didn’t know it was God?  He did ask the man, “Tell me your name?”  But the man didn’t reply and still Jacob called the place Peniel because he saw God face to face there.  Jacob knew it was God and he knew he had been blessed but it took his hip being wrenched from the socket for him to stop and really encounter God face to face.  When God is all we have, then we know He is all we need.
Instead of struggling with God over why you are in pain, why not dance with Him?  The difference?  Who is in the lead?

Psalm 62:5
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.
 

Every Seed Must Die

So here I am again, facing another challenge in my health.  I found a new lump and so next week, after getting my regular eight week CT, my doctor and I will decide how to proceed.  People have expressed their sympathy and asked how I am.  I reply that I am perfectly at peace about this.  Really, I am.  I am more at peace about this than anything else in my life.  I put up a stink about all the petty inconveniences of this life and the many vagaries of everyday living, but about this I am perfectly at peace.  Why you ask?  The Almighty Father still sits on his throne and I relinquish my life to his most capable hands.

How have I gotten to this point?  Kicking and screaming, I must confess.  You see, every struggle is an opportunity to die to self, which is a necessary prerequisite to growth.  It is one of life’s many ironies that life requires death, but then life in Christ means accepting the greatest ironies of all time—that an ugly instrument of death, the cross, brings abundant life. 

Christ makes this truth perfectly clear in John 12:24–25, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”    Before a plant can grow, the seed gives its life, breaking apart to bring forth life.   Our self must die, that is we must give up our self-will, before God can bring forth life.  

What makes a struggle a struggle is that our will is desperately pulling in one direction in opposition to what God wants.  If it weren’t, then it wouldn’t be called a struggle.  The more we try to assert self will, the more struggle there is.  Which is not to say that even if we totally surrender, there isn’t pain.  No, one of the most basic of all truths is that dying hurts.

Sometimes that growth takes a long time.  It is at this time that we must trust that God is faithful to our sacrifices and growth will happen in his due time.  Scientists have found long dormant seeds that are capable of growth if given the right environment, some as old as 10,000 years.*   Those favorable conditions, of course, are abiding in Christ’s love (the sun) and the Word (water).  Then in his timing (Ah, there is the rub) growth will happen. 

It is very difficult, however, to wait on the Lord.  But his timing is not ours.  He has all of eternity as his battlefield.  (I know I am mixing metaphors here).  Whereas we would go for the quickest route to victory, God knows that quick doesn’t always bring success.  It may gain us some ground in the short run, but doesn’t always bring victory in the end.  Victory involves our maturity into people that resemble Jesus Christ and this takes time.   And make no mistake; it is only through God that victory is achieved.  Psalm 44:3 says:

It was not by their sword that they won the land,
    nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
    and the light of your face, for you loved them.

What is our reward for victory (besides growth into maturity)?  Besides the peace and comfort that comes from the father throughout the struggle, which I have written of at great length, there is the victory we will experience in heaven when he says to us “Good and faithful servant” (Matt 25:21) and we get our jewels in our crowns. (Ps 149:4).

We will also experience rest.  Mathew 11: 28 says: ²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  The yoke here is the Cross (Luke 9:23).   The cross is where Christ denied his will for the sake of the Father’s will unto death.  We too are asked to deny ourselves and take up our cross.  That cross is different for everybody, but ultimately it is the point where our will clashes the most with God’s will for our lives.  Mine happens to be Cancer.  I have had my own garden of Gethsemane where I prayed for this cup to be taken from me. Still, I know it will also be my greatest source of victory!  When you come to this realization it is such a place of freedom and joy that you get to experience victory even in the midst of your struggle.  This is truly blooming where you are planted!

So every struggle, no matter how small or large, is on opportunity to die to self.  We should ask,  “What is God’s will in this?” and “What do I need to learn from this?” and trust that, in the long run, the Lord will use every opportunity to bring Good to us. 

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

The perfect picture of this is Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. I like the account in Luke because it highlights his anguish so well:

Luke 22:41-43

⁴¹ He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ⁴² “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” ⁴³ An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. ⁴⁴ And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

Jesus, the perfect Son of God, was in so much anguish that he sweated blood!  Dying to self doesn’t come naturally and is not without struggle.  We must give ourselves some slack if we don’t at first react with gentle submission. 

But there are some things to remember in this passage.  First, an angel from heaven appeared to him to strengthen him.  In the same way, God will provide us strength to endure the struggle and to relinquish our will.  It is, again, irony that it takes great strength to give up, but here it is.

Second, the struggle caused Jesus to pray more earnestly.  When we experience struggle, we must step up the prayers in a fierce way.   It is on our knees that we are closest to the altar.   It is on our knees that we are strongest.   Dear friends, join me in praying:

I am the seed, oh Lord,

In Love, Press me to you

so that I may die,

That in that dance

 my shell of a heart may break,

disappear,

to be born again

in the green growing of life in you.

Ephesians 3: 16-19

¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

 *Taylor, Joanne. “Seeds for success, Pt. 2: A seed must die before it grows.”  13 April 2010. Examiner.com.

What We Can Learn from Moths (yuck!)

I can’t stand moths.  To be more precise, I am deathly afraid of them.  They are hairy and can fly into your hair.  Let just say I wasn’t the same after Silence of the Lambs.

Still, if I can get past the heebie jeebies, there is a lot I can learn from the moth.

Legend has it that the Chinese empress Leizu discovered silk when some moths were eating her mulberry trees.  She was probably pretty annoyed by this problem.  She decided to sit down to tea to consider how this was to be solved.  As she sat pondering, one of cocoons fell into her cup.  The heat of tea unraveled the cocoon to produce a long thread.  She soon realized that this thread could be woven into cloth.  Out of this seeming problem came one of the most valuable and beautiful materials in all the world, silk.

Your circumstances right now may seem troublesome.  You didn’t ask for the situation and you are praying desperately for it to end.  Keep in mind, God uses those situations to draw you near and teach you about his character.  He is the God of miracles.  You can’t learn that when everything is going well.  Instead of looking at your circumstances as a problem, try to see that God is weaving something beautiful.  Thank him that he has trusted you with the glorious revelation of himself.  He trusts you to discover the beauty in the circumstances. 

Notice that the silk wasn’t discovered until it was exposed to heat of the tea.  Tough circumstance may make you feel like you are in hot water and it certainly doesn’t feel good.  It is through these circumstances, however, that your character is revealed.  They also allow God to demonstrate his power to transform even the most trying situations into his glory.  The heat of life produces the beauty of life.

It is significant that this beauty comes from the stage of a moth’s life that is one of radical transformation.  God matures us through trying circumstances until we are transformed into someone more like Christ.  It isn’t pretty and it involves a lot of struggle just like coming out of a cocoon does. 

Watching a moth or butterfly emerge from a cocoon you witness the struggle they go through to come out.  You may be tempted to help it along by opening up the cocoon so the moth finds it easier to emerge.  The struggle, however, strengthens its wings.  Helping it along may prevent it from flying.

You may be praying for your situation to end, but know that it will last long enough for you to strengthen your wings.  Trust in God’s timing.  You will find that you will emerge to fly among God’s glory.  It isn’t pretty and it is a struggle but in the end it is worth it to be able to fly.

Psalm 90

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
    that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

¹⁵ Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
    for as many years as we have seen trouble.
¹⁶ May your deeds be shown to your servants,
    your splendor to their children.

2 Corinthians 4:17 

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

The Rose and the Thorns

If you want to bloom where you are planted then you need to learn to deal with thorns effectively.  Thorns are the things that cause us ongoing pain.  They are those people or circumstances that seem to plague us.  It could be failing health, an unhealthy relationship, or an emotional scar that doesn’t seem to heal.  It is something we feel plagues us and we can’t seem to do anything about it.  Oh, you will try to pluck out the thorns, but getting rid of your own thorns is impossible.  It is impossible because the author of the universe uses thorns to teach us.  If a thorn remains when we beg for it to be taken away, it is because there is still something that we need to learn.

Too often we use thorns as an impediment to victorious living.  We say to ourselves “If only I didn’t have this thorn, I would serve more, read my Bible more, be more. “ But what if we stopped waiting for our thorn to be taken away and look at it in a different light? What if we thanked God that he cares enough about us that he wants to teach us about his love and the only way he can do it is through our thorns.

One thing that our thorns can teach us is to have humility.  Thorns keep us teachable.  They make us feel weak and at the end of ourselves.  When we are at the end of ourselves, that is where God begins.  He has all the power of the universe at his disposal and can work his glory into any situation.  When we are weak, he is strong.

Paul suffered terribly from a thorn.  Three times he begged God to remove it.  It is only when he stopped begging for it to removed that he discovered the secret of contentment.  He discovered that he “could do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

In thinking of thorns, I thought mine was cancer.  Maybe it was in the beginning when everything was new and freshly painful.  But now it is part of my life.  I don’t have to even think about the meaning behind it all.  I know, with absolute certainty, that God is using it for my good and his Glory. 

If I am not careful, I could get a big head when it comes to how I am dealing with my cancer.  I get complements all the time about how strong I am and how I am such an inspiration.  I try to give the glory to God because I know that without him, I would be a big puddle of mess on the floor.

But Cancer isn’t teaching me humility.  You know what does? My kids.  I soon realize, as my seven year old pitches a fit or I have to change my 5 years olds pull up ( I know?? Five??) that I am little and life is not in my control.  Motherhood is rewarding, but it is also thankless.

I often find myself thinking “If only my kids were older I would write more, serve more, be more.”  If only my kids would behave better then I could get more done.  But what if God wants to teach me through my kids?  By focusing on the negative side of motherhood, I am missing the beauty of my life and family.  By focusing on the thorn, I am missing the beauty of the rose.

My kids teach me that I can’t be a good mother without God.  Control is an illusion and I need God to work his glory into my life and I can’t do that if I am doing it all in my own power. Dealing with the unpleasant side of motherhood draws me to my knees where (in my stronger moments) I pray “Lord, help me be a better mother”  not “Lord,  make my kids behave!!!” 


If you concentrate on the thorns, you will never enjoy the beauty of the rose, either.  And life is beautiful.  Don’t waste another minute asking “why this, Lord?”  We all have our own thorn to bear, unique to what God wants to teach us.  He loves us enough to not leave us with meaningless, shallow existences.  We could just have a picture of the rose, the beauty of the rose without the pain of the thorn.  But a picture doesn’t smell or have depth.  The picture pales in comparison to the real thing.  


Embrace your thorns.  Learn from them.  Thank God for them.  Don’t miss the beauty of the rose because you are afraid a few thorns.      

2 Cor 12:9  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”                                
      

The Promise of the Ark and The Rainbow

The other day, I had a real struggle with my five year-old trying to get her ready for preschool. She wasn’t feeling good and didn’t want to go, but I knew that she was just backed up and if she got active then she would feel better (sorry for the TMI).  Every step was a negotiation—“I’ll let you stay home if you want, but you should change your pants so you feel better”  “You will have to at least go  with me to drop off sissy so you might as well get dressed.”  “We are going in to look at the book fair so I have to brush your hair.”  “if you come  in with me then I’ll buy you a book.” “If you go to preschool and don’t feel good, I’ll come back to get you.”  Finally came the big one “If you don’t go to preschool, then you can’t go trick or treating.” All I heard from the backseat was sniffling.  “Well? What is your decision?” “I’m thinking.. . . “ she paused for a long moment or two and said in a small, squeaky voice“O.K.  I’ll go to preschool.” She was just fine.

I know that a lot of that fight was over control.  She wanted it, but sensed that I had it.   I was struggling with maintaining it and not losing my cool.  I was so frustrated becauseI knew what was best for her.  I wanted to scream “Your life would be so much easier if you would just go along with me.  Trust me! “

Aren’t we the same way with God?  We want all the control and panic when our life seems to be spiraling out.  We try to desperately hang on to any scrap of control. How utterly ridiculous to believe that our lives are better off in our hands rather than the creator of the heavens and the earth!  All the while God is whispering, “Your life would be so much easier if you would just go along with me.  Trust me!" 

God doesn't negotiate, but he may just give us one simple step at a time.  We are then more likely to say "O.K.  God, that is doable.  I can go along with that, but don't ask me that big thing over there."  Sooner or later we realize we are headed down the right path, doing the very thing we felt was too difficult for us to do.

Most days are a power struggle with all my children.  Some days are so sweet because it all comes together and our mornings flow smoothly and are full of peace.  Those are the days I treasure, because I feel so in control.

But, I’ve come to realize that control is an illusion.  Even on those peaceful days, God is control, not me.  He knows that allowing my kids to cooperate is just what I needed at that moment.  Although I don’t relish it, chaos is only a reminder that I don’t hold the reins. While I might think that peace is what I need, God knows that there is something in me that needs to be reminded of His sovereignty.

I can’t help but think of Noah.  When the floods came it must have been very chaotic.  He had spent 120 years being in control as he built the Ark.  He went day by day, building the ark and obeying God and not a drop of rain had fallen yet.  Even then, God was in control and had given Noah the exact specifications for the building.  His life was characterized by days of quiet dependence and faith.  Then the rains fell. The springs of the earth erupted and all he could do was hang on tight.

I just recently realized that in all the directives that God gave Noah, there is not one that mentions putting in a rudder or captains wheel.   The ark was at the mercy of the waves the whole times.  Each large swell was a reminder that Noah had to trust God. God was in control despite what it looked like.

Sometimes we may feel that life is tossing us around in the storms.  We must realize at those moments God is in control.  He holds us in his loving arms and will keep us safe and sound. He knows exactly where we need to be and after the storm will guide usto the shore to await the next storm, for the next time we need to be reminded that we are utterly dependent on God.

Noah and his family were saved by God and so are we.  We will get through the storm if we keep our eyes on our Father.  After the storm,  Noah was given the blessing of the rainbow because he stayed the course. It was a reminder of God’s everlasting covenant with his believers that He had opened up the clouds and He had closed them. Noah was safe in God’s very capable, very sovereign hands forever and so are we.

I find it interesting that when we see a rainbow, even one that we call full, it is only part of the full circle of what is actually created.  On earth, we have life to block our view of God’s everlasting love. Sometimes life circumstances can interfere with our view of God’s love.  Someday, when we are in heaven and can look at our life from God’s perspective, we will see that the full circle of God’s love was always there.  During the storms, the rain prevents us from seeing it, and even in the bright sunlight, we only see a portion of the blessings we receive.  

God is always in charge. We may feel like we are at the mercy of the waves, but He hold us in the ark of his love until we reach the safety of the shore.

John 14:27
“I am leaving you witha gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannotgive. So don’t be troubled or afraid. 

Romans 8:37-39
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. ForI am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities,nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, norany other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God,which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Deuteronomy 7:9
"Know therefore that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God, whokeeps His covenant and His loving kindness to a thousandth generation withthose who love Him and keep His commandments;

What We Can Learn from Bees

I am deathly afraid of bees.  I’m not sure why, having never been bitten.  The mere hint of the presence of one puts me into a tizzy.  I’m sure that half the fear is that I have built up the pain in my head.  The fear either freezes or makes me run away.

Emotional pain is like that too.  You build it up in your head so that the mere hint that it might be coming makes you frightened.  It isn’t the pain, however, that makes us freeze or run away.  It is the fear.   If we would be still and calm, we might escape the pain altogether.  We certainly build up the idea of pain in our heads, to the point that the fear is most assuredly worse than the pain itself. 

Philippians 4:6 ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

That got me thinking that there are other lessons I can learn from the bee.  Though fearsome, bees are very useful creatures.  The pollen they spread produces growth.  Pain too produces growth.  Like pollen, the growth from pain isn’t automatic.  You have to do something with it—process it, see what you can learn from it.  If it just sits there as you are praying for it to end, pain will not produce any growth.

Romans 5:3-4 also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Bees also produce honey.   Pain can produce a sweet joy in life in feeling the real presence of God in your life and his comfort.  Bees return laden with nectar in sacs—to the point that they waddle around with the burden.  “The worker bee returning to the hive with a load of nectar is almost immediately greeted by other workers ready to relieve her of the load”  (“How do Bees Make Honey?”).  We too are social creatures who should immediately come to our fellow workers aid, and with the load lightened, the work of turning pain into sweet honey can begin.

Galatians 6: 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

“Nectar returned to the hive at this point is barely recognizable as honey,” being mostly water  (“How do Bees Make Honey?”).  The bee must add the enzymes from their own bodies, allowing the water to be evaporated, leaving behind the honey.  We too must add to the pain—we can add more pain, or we can add from our own deep sense of who God is, as revealed by the word and by our experience of His love, and the Holy Spirit that lives in a believer’s heart. Adding His love to pain produces the sweet victory that allows up to rise up out of our circumstances into the loving presence of God.

Psalm 119:103 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

All this takes time.  We must trust God that he knows what he is doing.  If you are heavy laden with the pain that you have begged God to free you from, trust that he must still want you to learn from it.  Unload some of it on your fellow workers and go to the work of turning the pain to honey. 

Romans 8:28²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.

“How do Bees Make Honey?”  Beeswax  Co. LLC. Online. 11 Oct 2012

 

Trust the Driver

As a mom, I do a lot of driving around town, especially now that my daughters go to three different schools.  I am always amazed that my kids, who are 9,7, and 5, will question my driving.  I will hear “why are we going this way, Mommy?  I want to go that way.”  “Go faster, Mommy” and “We are going the wrong way.”  Talk about back seat driving in the worst way!  Is there such thing as car seat driving?  I keep telling them to trust me, that I know where we are going, and I know the best way to get there.

It is annoying, but aren’t we the same way with God? We too try to tell Him where we want to go. We urge him to go faster.  We question the direction He is leading us.

The truth is that we don’t really know how to drive.  We have limited vision and don’t know where we are headed.  We want to take the wheel when the truth is we don’ t know what is best.  Who are we to question the omniscient, all-powerful creator of all time and space?

We just need to sit back and trust that God knows where we are headed and the best way to get there.  We will encounter some roadblocks a long the way, likely causing us to question His path for us.  But he put those roadblocks there to protect us.  To make us turn around and go down a better path—the best path--a route that will get us to our destination at just the right time. 

But what is our destination?  Remember that I said that we don’t know where we are headed?  We often loose sight of our ultimate destination in favor of the pit stops along the way.  Maybe we think, “I just need to get over this illness” or “My kids just need to grow up and move out.”  With these pit stops as our destinations we are apt to take what we think is the quickest route.  But God always has our ultimate destination in mind---to give him glory by becoming more like Him.

We were created in the image of God, but we because of our nature we continually fall short of that image.  Our final destination is to become more like Christ.  The only way that it can happen is if we trust God with our path.  We may question the purpose of certain circumstances in our life, but that is because we don’t understand how it can work for our good.  We see only that the circumstances are in our way preventing us from reaching what we believe is our destination.  But God know our ultimate destination, and the best way to get there.

I’m thinking of the life of Abraham.  There he was prospering when God suddenly told him to pick up and move.  God didn’t even tell him where he was going, just that He would show him and bless him.  Abraham had to trust God with his path and his destination.   Along the way, he experienced many roadblocks and occasionally questioned God’s leading.  He even tried to take the wheel a couple of times.  Ultimately, as God proved Himself a faithful, loving God, Abraham came to a place where he was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice—his son.  God had led him down a path where he had become more like God—who also made the ultimate sacrifice of his Son.

I have my dark moments where I question this disease and I just call out to God “heal me—but go faster!”  But I need to trust that there is a purpose for all of this and that God will deliver me to my destination safe and sound.  This illness is simply just a roadblock.  Because I trust the driver, I can have beautiful moments of pure bliss--wind in my hair, sun on my face, perfectly content.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride!

Romans 8:28

New International Version (NIV)

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.